Listen to your inner wisdom, and make a note of the meaning that resonates with you. They may continually search for praise from their bosses, their co-workers, their partners. I am trying very, very hard not to implode. Second, he must know you well. An acquaintance commented on a recent Facebook post I made that he was proud of me and immediately I felt so mad about that but couldnt figure out why. What a surprise! I was very annoyed with her (mainly due to her attitude) and balled her out at the til. A 2017 analysis of 2012 national data from the US, showed that parent behaviour could have a protective role in a their child's mental health. Look him in the eyes and smile. It says, I love you so much that YOUR accomplishment can make ME feel pride. On the other hand, my brother has said it to me, and although he did not play a role in my achievement, it still meant something positive to me and it felt good. Let me tell you why. I am so lucky to have you in my life and your . It got me thinking, "How many people could send me that sort of email?" "If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is . You must be so proud of how you're doing!"). A compliment like this means a lot to us, seeing that we give our people a chance to be happy and proud because of us. Whatever I did, I just did it for our friendship, Bro. There are alternatives to praise and saying "Im proud of you", and they include: I consciously have to stop myself from saying "Im proud of you". About 5 years ago, an ex college girlfriend and I began emailing each other occasionally (not often just once every 2-3 months or so). Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . I still think she was doing this at the time. It will show your appreciation for their words, it will help to strengthen your relationship, and it will create a positive and constructive environment. And, you are the best thing ever to happen to me. And you get to benefit from them regardless of the outcome of your relationship. I wish everyone had a genuine friend like you. But arguing about what words mean is pointless- meanings vary. In fact, whenever I hear this phrase from a colleague, I immediately understand that this person in reality is envious of my achievements and the phrase Im really happy for you in fact means Im very unhappy that its not my achievement, that you and not me is getting the praise/ promotion/ degree/ lottery win, I hate you for that and I wish I was in your place right now. Didnt your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? Its obviously a powerful word. Sept. 29, 2020, 8:12 PM PDT / Updated Sept. 30, 2020, 5:34 AM PDT. Because we ran into a bunch of other classmates that were also there, we didnt spend time exclusively with each other but we did sit together at the game. This post was actually very helpful for me! Im proud of myself, too. Reading the Parent Effectiveness Training book, or attending a PET course, will help develop positive and respectful parent-child relationships, and explore alternatives to praise. You will even fall in love with me again seeing the next surprise! Language gets corrupted. You can accomplish anything that you put your mind to. Don't disguise it as concern, either. Renew your PET skills; complete the full course over flexible times; or one-off parenting sessions. Grandparents And Grandchildren: Observations From A Parent In-Between. Want to Change the Way you React to Your Children? So happy for us! I wanted to know whether or not I was overreacting.He had no hand in my achievements and since he was the one who caused me those problems, I feel he has lost every right to use that phrase with me. 6. What someone else does might make me proud to be his or her friend/teacher/partner/whatever and thats exactly how Ill express it Im proud to be your fill-in-the-blank. ( Or even what youve done makes me proud to call myself your ____). 2. A significant share of Americans (44%) say they personally know someone who has been shot, either accidentally or intentionally. If a friend said it to me, I might say "Thank you", but I'd be thinking "Well, who gave you authority over me, then?". Do you mean you are also proud of yourself or that you are proud of the other person? (a short read). Suddenly I found myself questioning my rather lame Im thrilled for you. "How long have you been sober?". I very quickly responded with a snappy, Why? He said because you were up last night with the baby, and went to work, and youre still cleaning this late at night. Um What a shock that I am hardly sleeping, cleaning constantly, working again, taking care of two babies, doing his laundry/dishes/cooking It really rubbed me the wrong way that he was proud of me. The effect of this praise might be opposite to the aim of the parent. I drove home and when I got home I texted her that I had arrived home safely. The key words (for this discussion) are creditable to oneself. Yeah, this means a lot to me. Consider why you so are grateful for this thing or person. 1 y. After reading these posts, I think the following: a person will feel pride in anothers accomplishment when they feel deeply connected with the other. "), Parent: "Im proud that you got all As in your school report/won that tennis trophy", How might you feel as the child? This is why we say, I am very happy for you! They are the one to feel proudit was THEIR accomplishment. When someone says Im proud of you, first of all thanking them is the common response we usually have. Someone elses pride in you does not usually translate to pride in yourself. If a parent can say, Im proud of you, then can the parent also say the opposite , Children may become dependent on their parents (and others, such as teachers or grandparents) evaluation of their achievements. Like I wasnt doing enough before? This is a noble endeavor. I was excited to see your reaction. They just say it. It's a pleasure to congratulate you on this lovely moment. I have a little brother who is rather insecure and jealous of me, a very controlling person that thinks having a relationship with each other means that I put up with him trying to make me feel less than in the power scheme, which is precisely why I totally avoid him My YOUNGER brother about my creative talents has to say..I am extremely proud of you..for a bit, this has thrown me off, and I was not able to quite articulate how this really got under my skin, why I did a search on the phrase and have been thinking about itand yeah, it does seem a major insult when an emotionally uncool person whose relationship with you should be on equal terms has to act like a parent, always making a show of being the bigger man saying boy, I am so proud of you. Talents Compliments. (I'd prefer "I'm really impressed with report - I can see how much effort you put in, and it's going to be helpful for the organisation". Sometimes people use it to appropriate the achievements of others, which is a sad and awful thing. I do not believe that parents need to say "I'm proud of you" to show their support of, and their emotional connection to, their child. Initially this sit didnt sit well with me. He gets a "that's nice". That is why a long-term mentor can also feel pride. When someone insults you, the first thing you want to do is take a pause and a deep breath. (I'd prefer "Congratulations! If you're more than a friend it's more loving. Narcissism can be a personality trait and a mental health disorder, and someone can have narcissistic tendencies without being labeled a "narcissist." When you live with narcissistic. Some years ago I attended a parenting seminar, where the speaker incidentally mentioned avoiding the phrase "Im proud of you". "Nothing is ever wrong. The parent might have paid a lot of money, or given up time, to coach and practice tennis with their winning child. Instead of acting out of rage over . When someone knows that you are not only proud, but you are inspired and amazed, it will be an even better compliment. You should always be proud of who you are imo, and if that includes your nationality then that's fine. "Well," you respond with enthusiasm, "I'm so excited right now. 1. The first time I remember hearing it said to me (though I'm sure there were times before the instance I'm describing . However, is this what happens? All rights reserved. . Posted articles do not constitute advice or recommendations. Here are seven possible ways to interpret his compliment. What if you really are proud of the person? I am in awe of your talent and accomplishments. . Updated 7th September 2016; and 19th April 2019. However, the other expression Im really happy for you is so overused that it immediately rings the bell of insincerity. However Simon Cowell for instance often says he is proud of a contestant he has never met before. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. Also, I really like the litmus test of how you would feel on the receiving end. 10. Im excited, are you? Proud Boys celebrate President Trump's callout to them during debate. They may start to see their parent as being insincere, or even manipulative. 2. Lets look at some examples (followed by some suggested alternatives) adult first, then child, to help illustrate this point: Manager: "Im proud of the report youve written". The next morning, I woke up to an email in my inbox that was one line: "I'm really proud of you." Rather than the child feeling respected for their efforts, they may feel patronised, put-down. Last week, I went back to my college homecoming without my wife. I was damned proud of her for overcoming this setback and told her so. Well, that means theyre impressed, happy, and overjoyed with what you did, achieved, or say something. 11. Refresher workshop for P.E.T. the person who says that is actually talking about themselves, not about me, and by saying that is drawing the recognition away from me towards themselves. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. For me, this was a huge take-away moment. What does it mean when a woman says she's proud of you? Id opt for saying, Im happy for you. stories on the Parent Skills website are posted only as opinion or ideas, and are general in nature. (I'd prefer "Wow, that must have taken some thought and courage! She continually updates her course with new examples and relevant material from the latest research. On the one hand, you're thinking, "He says I'm amazing," and you know he's not wrong. They include: courage, commitment, imagination and compassion, and oh yes, patience -- lots of it -- because it doesn't happen overnight. This is 20 years ago, and I still remember this moment. He may not have expected you to be qualified for the job. But, what would be the better ways to respond to I am proud of you other than just saying thank you. But one doesn't want to say that they're not proud of their country if they're looking to lead it. If you get a new job, get a participants medal for a 10K or do anything deemed worthwhile, friends, family and acquaintances will say they are so proud of you!!!. One of the most common phrases they use to express their feelings is Im proud of you. They know I mean: I am so impressed by what you did, and proud to be able to call myself your mother. If I said this to a friend it would mean the same thing. Don't lose control of your emotions. Ive told you that, youre going to feel proud of me. Similarly, if someone tries to imply a mentor relationship by telling you, Im proud of you, its like a bad parent trying to claim the rights and status of a good one. This is a very interesting discussion for me. They can be in dictionaries but over time can have slightly different meanings depending how they are used. Who are children then living their life for - themselves, or their parent? Let them know how much better you feel now that you're smokefree. One of the wives of these manual labourers had befriended me in church and was an older woman. They may become adults who are vulnerable, who do not have a strong sense of self-worth. I don't think you . Larissa is passionate about the skills taught in Effectiveness Training. 27. Your thoughts and ideas are so creative, which has allowed you to refine your talent into something unique from others. Linda Adams, in her book Be Your Best, quotes Charleszetta Waddles (African American activist): You cant give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride. February 18, 2023 There are people who interpret life as if it were all about a fight of egos. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". After all, you were the one who put the effort into writing the report you did the research, you put the paper together. Thanks for all the interresting comments and opinions on how people use the phrase Im proud of you. I was an ambitious student with a goal to attend university, which my father completely supported. To me, if someone I respect said they were proud of me, would mean much more and have a much better and more positive effect on me than if they said Im really happy for you because the feeling of someone being proud for me includes me, my efforts and achievements, and unites me with that person who said it at the moment of saying it. 1. Ive been lurching between How can you be proud of someone elses children? but then challenging that with But then as we do both have a close relationship with her we probably have had some influence on how shes turning out . 2014, 2016, 2019. I'll help with whatever you need to make it . Which brings me to my next point. But who are you to affirm? Thanks, buddy! Sure, they get angry with one another, as do all brothers, but they forgive and move on. Thats why we feel pride in our childrens accomplishments. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. If a parent can say, 'I'm proud of you', then can the parent also say the opposite - ' I'm disappointed in you '? So - does this research negate my concerns regarding the phrase "I'm proud of you"? It was then that I realized that who I am is a unique, valuable, and loveable person. Im so happy to have you in my life, thanks! implying a mentor relationship. As in, he's purely attracted to your appearance. It can be difficult to respond to Im proud of you if youre struggling with self-doubt. 5. JavaScript is disabled. "A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." - C.S Lewis 2. 20 of the Best Encouraging Words that Hold any Caregivers Up 06 "Tim, I keep wondering what Dad would say if he were alive right now. Im proud of myself, although saying it out loud doesnt make it better. I'm so much proud of you for completing your graduation and wish you will succeed in every . PJ. Believe me when I tell you that it is not meant so kindly elsewhere. Show your appreciation for their words and use your response to create a positive and constructive environment. 4. "Be proud of your scars. 3. When I tell my kids Im proud they are surprised and pleased. I can point them out to my friends and say, Those are my sons!. Patricia Velasquez. For Stein, the worst compliment is hearing: "You've lost soooo much weight! As your friend I want you to know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. But this seems less common. Otherwise I feel like Im horning in on someone elses territory their right to be proud of their own accomplishments. Well done!. This "mental timeout" gives you the space to process the insulting remark in light of what it was; someone's thoughtlessness or an attack meant to provoke a reaction. Luke 18:9-14 ESV / 5 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful No. We are probably trying to encourage our children, and even instil in them a sense of pride in their own achievements.